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The Great American Apostrophe

 

Reader Beware! This is a grammatically incorrect story. Please fix the apostrophe catastrophes.

 

One day, Arnie decided to fulfill his lifelong dream and start a sign-making business. His first project for his business was to create a sign for his new sign company.

 

Arnies’ Amazing Signs

 

READER! What’s wrong with this?

 

Arnie was pleased with his new sign, and just as he was about to reward himself with a generous helping of his grandmother’s apple pie, his phone rang. It was the grocer, Ennis, and he needed a sign.

 

“My very first customer!” Arnie cried. He shoved the last of the pie into his mouth, grabbed his tools, and made for the town market.

 

“I really think you’ll like this, Ennis! Take a look.” Arnie looked up at his sign with a gleam of pride in his eyes.

 

Ennis’s face, however, was struck by horror

 

ENNI’S EARNEST EATS

 

READER! What’s wrong this time?

  

A couple of weeks later, Arnie received his second business phone call. This phone call was of particular interest to Arnie, because it was much larger than his previous sign-making endeavors.

 

“A billboard!” gasped Arnie. His eyes glazed over.

 

The billboard was for the rather shady town boat dealer, Sal. The dealership was called “Señor Sal’s Supercharged Speedboat Dealership.” Arnie finished his billboard. He knew that this time he had the perfect apostrophe placement.

 

SENOR SAL'S SUPERCHARGED SPEEDBOAT DEALERSHIP

Its speedboats are the dandiest in town!!

 

Arnie called Sal over to admire his work. Arnie noticed that as Sal stared at the sign, his face grew red and steam began to shoot from his ears.

 

What have you done?! screamed Sal.

 

What do you mean, what have I done? protested Arnie. The sign is a masterpiece!

 

Sure, if you prefer ungrammatical works of art, replied Sal.

 

READER! Why do you think Sal is unhappy with the sign??

 

 

ANSWERS!!!

 

Arnies First Sign

 

Arnies’ Amazing Signs

 

Harry Nomore says:

Well, Arnie, your apostrophe placement indicates that the sign-making business belongs to more than one Arnie. And the only other Arnie in town is Arnie Lumpkin, and I don't think you share ownership with him! Just move the apostrophe to precede the s. You see, Arnie, with singular possessive words, the apostrophe precedes the s, and with plural possessives it follows the s.

 

Arnie’s Amazing Signs

 

Arnies Second Sign

 

ENNI’S EARNEST EATS

 

Ennis says:

“My name is most certainly not Enni! How utterly embarrassing!  Don’t you know the rules of apostrophes, Arnie? When you have a singular noun that ends in ‘s’, you normally form the possessive by adding 's!”

 

ENNIs’S EARNEST EATS

  

 

Arnies Third Sign

 

SENOR SALS SUPERCHARGED SPEEDBOAT DEALERSHIP

Its speedboats are the dandiest in town!!

 

Sal says:

Why on earth did you put an apostrophe in its? Its is a personal pronoun, and you never use an apostrophe to form the possessive of a pronoun.

 

SENOR SALS SUPERCHARGED SPEEDBOAT DEALERSHIP

Its speedboats are the dandiest in town!!

 

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