Listening Exercise

In the movie, White Men Can't Jump, there is a scene where a couple are lying in bed. The girl says, "Honey, I'm thirsty." The guy gets up and brings her a glass of water. She says, "No, you idiot! When a girl says she's thirsty, you don't get her a glass of water - you share her feeling! You say, "I know how it feels to be thirsty."

courtesy Conrad Jackson

1) Explain to the class the skills of paraphrasing and perception checking.

2) If possible, demonstrate the skills briefly.

3) Divide the class into trios.

4) Instruct them that initially one member of the group is to be the listener, one the speaker, and the third, the observer.

They will switch roles so that everyone gets to do all three activities. The speaker is to talk about an assigned topic. They will talk for about 3 minutes. The listener will do paraphrases and perception checks only. The listener may not ask questions.

1) The observer will watch the listener and note specific, verbatim examples of

· the listener's paraphrases

· the listener's perception checks

· opportunities the listener missed, i.e., times when a paraphrase or perception check could have been used but was not

· anything the listener did which was not a paraphrase or a perception check

2) The observer will not speak during the listening practice but will give feedback and coaching to the listener afterwards.

3) Allow a minute or two for trio members to select their initial roles.

4) Instruct speakers to begin talking. Allow about three minutes.

5) Instruct speakers to stop, and observers to give feedback to the listeners. Allow 5-10 minutes for this feedback and discussions within the trios.

6) Ask trios to share any questions or interesting observations which arose from their discussions.

7) Instruct trio members to switch roles and begin the second member's listening practice.

8) Repeat 7 through 10 until each of the trios members has had listening practice and has received feedback.

1) A restatement of the speaker's thoughts as they were understood by the listener and put in the listener's words.

2) Allows the speaker to ascertain that the listener does (or does not) share the meaning he intended.

3) Words don't mean; people do.

4) "I hear you saying that ... (paraphrase)."

5) "So it is your view that ... ( )."

6) "You started out in this position and then ...( )."

Perception Checking --

1) A description of how the listener perceives the speaker's unspoken feelings (emotions) or desires,

2) offered tentatively and without evaluation.

3) Allows speaker to acknowledge the validity of the listener's hypotheses, to expand on the issue or to ignore it.

4) "I get the impression that you would rather not talk about this."

5) "So you were disappointed that..."

6) "You looked like you felt hurt by my comment."

Some Active Listening Hints:

1) Try to avoid asking questions.

2) Know your own agenda (motive) for what you say to speaker.

3) Try to listen to understand. Then judge whether you agree, wish to comply, want to change their opinion, etc.